When I was thirty I took my now wife out for drinks at one of my favorite pubs which being a mid week day was pretty much deserted,fine by me since I was trying to charm the pants off this woman I was with and one on one quiet conversation a recipe for success.
While there my cousing and freind (just because a person is related does not mean I have to like them
) wandered in with one of his buddies,we were introduced and were all chatting when the "buddy" of my cuz comes out of his mouth stupid to me which is a thing not allowed in my world so i gave him the standard rick treatment of "hey asshole ! Was I talking to you ? Until I look at you when I speak you need to pretend I do not exist,sit there,listen and shut the f**k up" to which he did not care for and dove in my direction.
Expecting this (could see him tighten up and ball his hands into fists) I moved to the side and when he went back smacked him in the back with my bar stool ready to damage his body on the followup but my "date" and my cuz grabbed me and rather than be a dick and hurt either of them breaking free so i could take out the trash said "OUTSIDE ! NOW f**kFACE !" and we proceeded to the back door so we could scrap in the parking lot.
well i never made it to the friggin door !
This prick wheeled on me and nailed me so hard I seen a blinding flash of light and without realising it was down on one knee !!!!!!!!
This was a shock for one because I had not been knocked down with a punch since grammer school so not a thing expected and two the prick broke my fkn jaw !
Anyone who has ever broken a bone KNOWS the feeling immediately and does not need an xray to verify it and I
KNEW !
So my wife is behind me,I am down on one knee,my cousin dan is behind her and this prick is in front of me waiting for me to get up and i say to my wife "this prick just broke my fkn jaw" then shot up from the floor and went to full assualt mode knowing a second shot in the jaw would be bad,very very bad,but realising this guy had just hit me harder than I had ever been hit in my life,that I had not lost a fist fight in over a decade my "title" was on the line,very close to breaking the string and i was not ready yet and realising this prick had just sucker shotted me and likely would have no problem hitting me while down I figured my best shot was an all out assualt at speed with max fury so i nailed this f**k right in the chest with my shoulder then proceeded to rain fist/elbows/knees when the bartenders all jumped from behind the bar and along with my cuz and date grabbed my ass and pulled me away.
They pulled ME off not the prick who had broke my jaw and was twice my size in width (neck,chest,shoulders,biceps,forearms
)
I tried to talk them into letting me go "dude,it's cool.i am chill man.Let me go.nothing will happen it is forgotten....." but they were not buying it and to avoid WWlll held me and made "Hercules" leave the premises and eventually the parking lot so there would be no round 2.
This pissed me off big time.I had a broken jaw,had been knocked down for the first time in decades and in front of a woman no less and was sooo amped up I need to kick someones ass just to vent yet the object of my rage was out of my reach so what to do ?
Sat down and finished my drink but I was so
enraged I could barely hold the glass without spilling it I was shaking so bad and worse,as the anger subsided,as my breathing became more regular and the shaking stopped the
deep dull ache of a broken bone began and i remebered my poor broken jaw and KNEW this was my last night for solid food so time to get after it dammit !
Spent the rest of the evening between eating and drinking all the while telling sue "no really,that prick broke my jaw ! Shit like that I don't joke about !" but because I was calm about it,not whimpering like a baby and looking for sympathy she did not beleive me one bit (she knows now some things i joke about,some not) so we partied until we closed every joint withing driving distance then she invited me to spend the night at her place (YESSSSSSSS !
) at which time I got to know what turned out to be years later my wife
So the next morning I say "wanna go to the hospital with me ?"
Sue "why ?"
Me "because my fkn jaw is flapping in the breeze is why !!"
Sue "you were serious ? "
me "HELL YES I am serious ! And it is throbbing like a bitch so ineed medical attention NOW !"
Long story short-We get there,the X-Rays show my jaw is not broken but fkn SHATTERED in two places,that my teeth are either loose in the socket or cracked at the gum line and will eventually be lost forever (nothing the oral surgeon could do with the type of break/crack) and they will now proceed to wire my jaw shut for eight weeks which means solid food is now off the menu
The joke was "well at least he may finally shut up for five minutes and let someone else get a word in (not
) but all in all not recommended.
Oh yeah,jerky boy (doctor) gave me a script for cherry flavored liquid codine which was in
theory a week supply but that lasted me a day and a half (damn that shit was nice
) and when I went for my "every other day" checkup,was asked about pain to which i answered it was up there but I could deal with it to which he asked "the codiene not strong enough ?" and when I replied "yeah,while it lasted" this ASSHOLE actually asked me if i wanted more !!!!!!!!!!!
FKN CODIENE ! FKN narcotic that can actually form a dependency that i did a week supply in what was a real long day and he asks if i want more ?
I declined.something that tasty,that has such a nice "feel" can be a real problem when the persription was no longer being offered and that is one monkey i did not need no matter how bad i wanted to say yes.
So what does this rambling all over the map way to long story have to do with "saved by the bell" ?
I wish someone had dinged one before I headed to the back door and ended up wrecking two months of my life eating through a fkn straw !
DING DING DING ! Round over........................................
(never did see that hard hitting prick again but I still think about round two from time to time
)